November 2014

David LeBarron, an obviously awful person, was seen at the upscale nook Mustard Seed Cafe in the trendy neighborhood of Los Feliz. He was having brunch and didn’t check his cell phone once. He didn’t even glance at it. Mr. LeBarron, an inscrutable insurrectionist, smugly stated that he frequently ignores his phone while eating and sometimes goes to the extreme of turning off the life-saving-affirming device during repast. The cafe community is rocked by this event and the world, unsurprisingly, is shocked.The waiter involved in the incident was confounded. “Bro! It was one thing to order French toast without sugar but then to obviously leave your cellie sitting there like debris. It broke my heart. He didn’t check his texts....