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21 Dec

it got harder….. ugh

This pretty much broke me. Lars took his own life on Sunday the 29th. It’s been a really rough couple of weeks. I actually Googled can you run out of tears? (Note: no. Your body makes up to 50 gallons a year.) I am only recently thinking clearly. I don’t necessarily believe s an artist and witch I feel things more deeply than others. BUT I cannot imagine it being much worse. As a community healer and producer I stepped into organize a memorial and be there for as many as I could and maintain my own mental health. I feel like I need to do some kind of tribute for him…but for now I guess the lesson is stay alive. Hang on. Keep breathing. Of course I immediately started writing a thousand things and made a new video project! Cause ya know not doing anything is NOT an option for me. So I’m making a bunch of short storytelling videos in Jan. I’m doing with Half Tongue Tribe guise. I think that’ll be more fun! And maybe scary? Or sufficiently weird? No idea but the shot concepts are wicked! I think Lars would like them. Half Tongue Tribe has been asked to write music for Genet’s Un Chant d’amour. I’m  enjoying it. I think I’m leveling up musically. I’ve also ben frantically arts and crafting.  Pics to come. Oh and I finished my video for class.

How does death effect me as an artist? Is it obvious? Is it subconscious? Will it affect me in a way that’s easy to see and understand? All of the above? Probably. I’ve sat in so much death. Washed the feet of Bone Woman. Kissed Mama Death. I view it as a natural cycle of life. And yet the pain cannot and should not be ignored. I think people are concerned. they needn’t be. I have survived…..well, everything LOL I know I must sometimes act like I’m all good but my heart knows truths. Each person changes you in small ways. Little knowledges or guilts or pains or laughters come in and alter you. Paths cross and intertwine and up and down with and against. We do not walk alone. The Goddess has taught me that. Playwrights and artists know this too. A song is sung and it is heard. Yea I’m broken but ‘m also a skeleton of broken bits patched and reworked over the years. So yea I survive and thrive with one less friend around me but inside, he’s there. It’s hard. But I’ve got all these buckets of tears, like 50 gallons, to go through.

David LeBarron
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