This pretty much broke me. Lars took his own life on Sunday the 29th. It’s been a really rough couple of weeks. I actually Googled can you run out of tears? (Note: no. Your body makes up to 50 gallons a year.) I am only recently thinking clearly. I don’t necessarily believe s an artist and witch I feel things more deeply than others. BUT I cannot imagine it being much worse. As a community healer and producer I stepped into organize a memorial and be there for as many as I could and maintain my own mental health. I feel like I need to do some kind of tribute for him…but for now I guess the lesson is stay alive. Hang on. Keep breathing. Of course I immediately started writing a thousand things and made a new video project! Cause ya know not doing anything is NOT an option for me. So I’m making a bunch of short storytelling videos in Jan. I’m doing with Half Tongue Tribe guise. I think that’ll be more fun! And maybe scary? Or sufficiently weird? No idea but the shot concepts are wicked! I think Lars would like them. Half Tongue Tribe has been asked to write music for Genet’s Un Chant d’amour. I’m enjoying it. I think I’m leveling up musically. I’ve also ben frantically arts and crafting. Pics to come. Oh and I finished my video for class.
How does death effect me as an artist?
2020 is making it hella hard to be thankful. But yet, as they tell us: it could be worse. Yea but it could be a lot better! LOL Yes it could be both but the level of have and have nots have little to do with gratitude. It’s a state of being. Existing in a space of grace and thanks. It is not friggin easy (especially after some asshole clipped my side mirror. no damage but dude watch where you’re going!) I shot a short for my acting class Go On Now. It was super fun. My purple bead can attest to that! I am at 62k+ words with Folly! And I thought it was gonna be like 35!! Ha! They story is a tad repetitive. I’ll fix it. I always do. The story is reaching a cool climax. The first of three battles. Yea ok Tolkien I know.Of it ain’t broke? I got a wonderful note, below, from Angela saying An Elf to Live For made her sick friend laugh. It made me cry! So very cool! It filled up my soul! I don’t need to sella million copies or get excellent reviews, that was enough for me. ALSO I think I’m in the right frame of mind to illustrate TITI. I might have faith in the world again? We shall see. I’m also working on a trilogy of Viking porn because why-not?
This pic is of our Ancestor Table for Samhain! It was a great night and rite. We started here and sang/danced/drummed calling upon Spirits and specifically Gehde Nibo to help heal the fallen form violent crimes and those lost in the chaos and confusion of Covid. SO much is so bad. BUT as I am writing this (I just couldn’t with the stress of election to post Oct…) Biden won so there’s a glimmer f hope somewhere… I think. Anyway we continued our drums and laughter till we got to a fire and performed for the spirits who wanted to party!! It was very cool. Also with my ADF group I we held an awesome Morrigan Dagda ritual before I left for JT. It too was lovely. I have been working a lot recently with ancestor things. Feeling connections. It’s always been difficult for me…familial pasts….. I remember the moment I realized that my ancestors were also every queer. Every writer. Every bard. These are the ancestors of my spirit. What connection do they bring me? And how do they tell my story and I theirs? What story is next?
I also reached out and found out I have been wrong for decades! Ugh we are not part Algonquin but Abenaki! Which makes so much more sense! If my maternal Grandmother hadn’t ben so… much of what she was, we’d have a tribal connection.