This pic is of our Ancestor Table for Samhain! It was a great night and rite. We started here and sang/danced/drummed calling upon Spirits and specifically Gehde Nibo to help heal the fallen form violent crimes and those lost in the chaos and confusion of Covid. SO much is so bad. BUT as I am writing this (I just couldn’t with the stress of election to post Oct…) Biden won so there’s a glimmer f hope somewhere… I think. Anyway we continued our drums and laughter till we got  to a fire and performed for the spirits who wanted to party!! It was very cool. Also with my ADF group I we held an awesome Morrigan Dagda ritual before I left for JT. It too was lovely. I have been working a lot recently with ancestor things. Feeling connections. It’s always  been difficult for me…familial pasts….. I remember the moment I realized that my ancestors were also every queer. Every writer. Every bard. These are the ancestors of my spirit.  What connection do they bring me? And how do they tell my story and I theirs? What story is next?

I also reached out and found out I have been wrong for decades! Ugh we are not part Algonquin  but  Abenaki! Which makes so much more sense! If my maternal Grandmother hadn’t ben so… much of what she was, we’d have a tribal connection. I try to feel empathy for her, try to imagine the shame she carried but it’s hard when she pretty much hated me. and REFUSED to talk about her past, like many did back then. I’d like to connect to that part of me more (And I do not give a flying fuck if that makes me another WHITE dude  culturally appropriating or poser. I’m not gonna wear tribal clothes to burning man and pretend I’m something I’m not.) Being Pagan I wonder if I’ll hear mores stories of the Earth if I journey to listen? I’m applying for a card. Why not?

I know this is an unusual post for this site but all the stories come from somewhere. BUT an update. I am 80% done with Folly’s War. Yea I know but I stopped writing for a few months because it was all just too much! Been auditioning more. I got stupid nervous the other day for one. No idea why?? LOL probably because  was perfect for it? I am NOT going to analyze that! I outlined two, not one but two, viking porn stories. I know. I probably won’t finish them but a dude needs release in this time of abstinence. I  wrote more of Seer but it’s sort of weird when I’m like thanks epidemic will I ever shoot this? And I’m not writing another saga I don’t shoot! Damnit!  Ha! Oh and by hook or crook I will do Scary children’s book by next Halloween! Thus I say! He’s so very scary!

Here’s me being queer witch for Gehde Nibo!

Also my story from ADF about Billy:

I was going to tell a story about my Dad. I know. But there are good stories too. My Father was really funny. He loved nothing more than to throw cards down on the table screaming you bitch! at my Mother. He made everyone laugh. He always made sure everyone had food. Never could say no to a child, like when he went to Mexico and came back with boxes of crap street kids had sold him! In that way he is very much like Dagda  BUT Instead I want to call a tribal ancestor. I remember Billy Heeken. He taught me that being a faggot was less about being bitchy and more about kindness. How to be a diva and not an asshole. He taught me to Act up fight back fight AIDS. He’d take handfuls of AZT and say The AIDS crisis is over: We’re all dead! He taught me to not hate ABBA. He was my Edward in Edward the 2nd. He blew them away. HOWEVER he got a bad review. It was heartbreaking. He was so fierce and here he was on the verge of tears. All the platitudes meant nothing. Then the best thing happened.  and I have no idea how this happened except that Billy was much loved and popular. It seems that at the same time Jessica Lange was playing in, I believe Cat on a hot tin roof on Broadway, and she got roasted by a critic. Well, the next day when Billy came home there was a message on his answering machine. It was Jessica! She said “hey Billy Heeken it’s Jessica! Ha ha they got you too!” He danced into the theatre the next day and was all smiles saying Jessica’s right, bad reviews just happen. Jessica? Jessica Lange called me to commiserate on our bad reviews…”  He was wonderfully unbearable for a few weeks! It will always hold a special place in my heart. Cause sometimes they get you too!